TQ is Back and so is our Pack

The long awaited return of Tim Quinn finally came this week-end not a moment too soon for a struggling BRFC team. We were losing games, scrums and line-outs and maybe even faith but with the return of the central piece of our front five we are on a one game winning streak and looking good for our games to come against the Irish and Ormstown.

It’s hard to quantify what exactly Tim does for our team. When you think ‘Tim’ all the characteristics of a great hooker come to mind. He’s fast and loose and will throw it anywhere. But his true value is in the intangibles that he’s brings to our team. When we show up late and we don’t know where the cards are, TQ’s got ‘em. When one of the guys needs a ride home because he’ll die if he has to ride to Laval in a storm, TQ’s got ‘em. When it’s hot out and we played out hearts out and nobody wants to take the jerseys, TQ’s got ‘em. When your having a drink at the bar chatting up a girl and your nipple suddenly feels like it’s on fire, TQ’s got ‘em.

But after watching the game this week-end, it would be a tragedy to dwell on his past exploits. Against the pack that we’ve had the most trouble with all season he showed up and was our salvation. We could opt for a scrum with no fear and steal a few of their balls as well.

I could go on for hours about how he cleaned up messy ball on line-outs or was incredibly aware off rucks and mauls or how attractive his sister is but you guys want to hear from him and so do I.

Roger Dodger: So Tim that’s a great comeback game you made a real impact what happened in those line-outs?

TQ: Well thanks Roger it just feels good to be back, I was out a long time and I look forward to an even better game in two weeks.

Roger Dodger: I could see things about to turn scrappy out there you must have been frustrated when the opposite team kept catching all those passes you threw directly at them.

TQ: Things are always a little more intense against Parc-O but they are great guys who play great rugby, playing them is an honour and beating them is a privilege I hope we have a few more times.

Roger dodger: The thing I didn’t get was how come you kept tackling that guy you threw the ball to in the line-out. If you’re giving him the ball why not walk him into the try zone as well.

TQ: SAY LINE OUT AGAIN MOTHER FU*&3R. I DARE YOU! Say it, just say it one more time.

Roger Dodger: I believe this interview is over.

The men who beat the blues:

1- Greg ‘Shrek’ Gallant

2- Tim ‘of TQ is back fame’ Quinn

3- Jeff ‘Hates the nickname School Boy’ Lawrence

4- Corey ‘I thought he was going to kill TQ’ White

*- Chris ‘Everybody should just play like me’ McCunn

*- Darryl ‘I’m burning to go to burning man’ Hosquet

*- Scott ‘So we’re doing this on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays?’ Warcup

*- Dave ‘You guys are a lot nicer than Duncan says and Ovett doesn’t seem that useless’ Lawrence

9- Fil ‘I play better with one arm than most healthy guys’ Dobrosielski

10- Scott ‘ the burning has subsisted thank you for asking’ Gill

11- Tim ‘Swimming pool? More like supper cool’ Poole

12- Mike ‘I could hide a buffalo in my dimples’ Antonekkia

13- Tim ‘Pass it to Will’ Brown

14- Ovett ‘Like Corvette without the Muscle’ Edwards

15- Matt ‘This sushi tastes like Ovett’ Heron

16- Paul ‘Axe’ Walker to Fly-half

17- Dave ‘The Super Spaniard’ Torres

#2

Today marked the second time I’ve been surfing the net and happened upon a racist website.

We all wear masks, minorities and marginalized people are acutely aware of this. If you are a regular white guy chances are that your sister knows way more about this than you ever really could. Women develop mechanisms to deal with everyday life like avoiding eye contact with strangers or making sure they don’t have to walk home alone at night and that is normal for them.

The thing is we all have spaces in order to be ourselves and when we happen on to things such as racist websites when we are trying to find out when Labour Day is then we have been caught with our masks down and this thing that we guard against has entered our homes, even if it is only for a moment and even if it is in this very passive form.

8 Reasons I Don't Miss Zoe

1- She has a webcam so I still get to see her, and she’s as pretty in the face as anyone I know

2- I no longer have to endure long boring calls about whether George ‘really’ likes her

3- She starts precisely the right number of msn conversations with “wanna see my tits?”

4- I no longer get random voice mails from George telling me that he’s doing something I’ll never do, and it’s incredible

5- I can tell people she’s my ex and she’ll never find out (I’m always the dumper in the story)

6- I’m now even more motivated to go to Europe. Zoe and Shannon both promised to hook me up with their ‘office slags’

7- Timmy Q has finally stopped calling to ask me if I ‘put in a good word for him’

8- Her mom and I can now accomplish our master plan of hooking me up with Zoe’s kid sister

The Seconds Game: A Perfect 80

A Perfect 80

In striking contrast to BRFC I’s lacklustre performance the seconds team knows what it means to put on the black and red jersey. They played a conservative, tough, defensive game and still won 35-0 over a big overly confrontational Patriotic team.

The game started like many others the sun shining the firsts players whining while they asked if they had to play, without knowing it would be as close as they would come to sweet victory all day.

With a strong somewhat forward centric team we went to battle against tough opponents who had warmed up way hard. Since they were a strong bunch of young lads we played a slightly quick game keeping the ball alive and setting up long wide balls with a phase or two of tight conservative runs.

Our tough Kiwi fly-half would either put his centers through a half gap or make one himself. On secondary phases our full back slipped in seamlessly and played off of nine like they were sharing a brain which would explain comments from the ref accusing the scrum half of only having half a brain.

The back field was two thirds skill and one third heart as Chris “I’m not Gill’s cousin he’s mine, and if we were in jail he’d be my b!tch” Ross played through injury in order for his team to secure a victory. Although he promised the unnamed black scrum half that he would not go into contact he was fielding tough balls and crashing in the centers like there was something wrong with his head.

The highlight of the game would have to be our push over try on the five meter line. We were awarded the scrum because the team put heavy pressure on the opposition except for the unnamed black scrum half who was just antagonizing the other team by playing so aggressively. The eight forwards pushed in perfectly straight and eight man Jeff “Float like a butterfly and then punch ‘em in a ruck” Ayoub touched the ball down with grace reminiscent of Mohamed Ali.

The team didn’t let down after half at all and kept their composure better than their first team counter parts when the patriots began fighting.

The guys who went to battle as well as I can remember them:

1-Corky “Bubbles” Corketon

2- Ryan “the ambiguous squirrel paw” Wilds

3- Duncan “I think you just killed that guy! No, he’ll be fine” Stone

4- Unnamed Red Headed Second row

5- “Big” Mike the Treecutter

6- Mike ‘Hudson’ Crowle

7- JP “I celebrate after I score” Saker

8- Jeff “I take care of the brother man” Ayoub

9- Unnamed Black scrumhalf

10- Mike “Only me and chuck Norris can crash a ball win the ruck ourselves and hit ourselves blind side for a sweet run” Lomei

11- Chris “I got the heart and the natural resistance to venereal diseases while Gill got the rugby skilz” Ross

12- Paul “the other Axe” Mikesteve

13- Unnamed dimpled center

14- Unnamed “deflowering” winger

15- Unnamed suffering in silence Fullback

Everybody Still Hates Ovett

We got tooled this week-end, and for no good reason. We didn’t have a lot of subs but the consensus after the game was that there had to have been someone better than Ovett “Like Corvette but really not like one at all” Edwards.

BRFC started badly but the idea was to hold them to the fewest number of points while they had a strong wind at their back and then try to make it up in the second. The team gave up too many points however. Whether on simple runs or quick line-outs it seemed as if everything St Lambert did ended in points or big yards.

The only thing people said about St Lambert was that their eight man (the second best in the league) is back and hard to shut down. Nobody even knew they had an eight man because our scrums were so strong. We took a minimum of three yards on each scrum which completely took him out of the game.

The game was scrappy and it seemed that we aren’t as good at not getting caught as they are so we took a few penalties too many. The real problem with the game was that we were playing in a somewhat disconnected fashion, and our backs namely Ovett let in what seemed like a million tries.

Try as they might BRFC was unable to overcome the shortcomings of their undersized and overly aggressive somewhat antagonizing winger. He let in one try on his wing although you wouldn’t necessarily be able to tell unless you had just the right perspective; and then he let in another when he failed to mark a line out although some of the nicer guys from his team do concede that it was a ninety five yard kick and very difficult to chase down.

So in interview we have called forward the infamous winger once again to atone for his sins on Saturday.

Roger Dodger: So honestly how do you let their 30 year old fullback run through you like that and just stand there.

Ovett: You know Roger we’re adapting to a new defensive set up and once we work some things out I’m sure our defense will be what it once was.

Roger Dodger: It will be the defense that got you guys relegated?

Ovett: No jerkface it will be the defense that got us to the finals.

Roger Dodger: OK you let in one try because you guys were “adapting to a new blah blah blah” but you let in a second one because you were trying to smoke their winger instead of just containing him, you let your pride get in the way of your game and you lost the game because of that try.

Ovett: Yes, I wanted to smoke the guy but I also wanted to send him down the sideline. Earlier I forced him in and they made forty yards I figured if I sent them down the sideline then somebody could just knock him out of bounds, I took the chance on looking like a fool so we could shut them down.

Roger Dodger: And they scored five points. But I’ll grant that you were struggling with a new defense on the first try that was your fault and I’ll grant that you were trying to make use of the sideline which ended up being your fault but what about at the end of the game when you could have undone it all but instead got Matty killed?

Ovett: I could have sworn we had a two on one when I slipped that ball past the opposition I thought Matty was gone. I figured I had to keep the ball alive if we were going to get it done and I made a bad decision instead of just reacting to what was happening. I apologize Roger I let us down and next week when the swim team is back I’m sure my mistakes will be reflected in the line up.

Roger Dodger: At least you supported McCunn well when Vince hit him on the blind side for a try.

Ovett: You’re such a jerk I’m never doing another interview again.

The line-up:

1- Jeff “The Naughty School Boy” Lawrence

2- Tim “I’m waiting till Parc-O to really turn it on” Quinn

3- Scott “I’ll have enough kids for my own rugby team soon” Warcup

4- Cory “I still ain’t saying nothing about him” White

5- Greg “If only they would let me play 10” Gallant

6- Darryl “Big Players don’t brag” Hosquet

7- Chris “Why won’t they just play like me?” McCunn

8- Chris “If we played the best 8-man and I played better, that makes me best right?”

9- Vince “I’ll be too old to play when the rest of you are good enough to keep up” Nickson

10- Scott “My rugby team went to Italy and all I brought back was this weird burning sensation when I pee”

11- Paul “Axe, I may be offside but I didn’t touch him and it may be a high tackle but he can still walk”

12- Mike “when your dimples are this big you pick up a lot” Antonekia

13- Tim “I’m pretty sure Harrison tackles better than Ovett” Brown

14- Ovett “I may play big but I play bad” Edwards

15- Matt “One more pass like that Ovett and I’m going to deflower your ex” Heron

Sometimes

Sometimes walking down the street I see those squeegee girls and I feel horrible about their unrealized potential. It upsets me because with a little ambition I’m sure some of these girls could be hookers. And after some years of doing that I’m sure that some of them could get jobs as call-girls and live a life worth living. Next time you pass one on the street don’t see them for what they are see them for what they could be.

Everybody Hates Ovett and Chris

We lost a game against the worst team ever this week-end and it was entirely Christina Quinn’s and Ovett “Like Corvette without the Muscle” Edwards’ fault.

The game began somewhat like other games. Ovett “Like Corvette without the muscle” Edwards took an early penalty and despite that we got out of our end and Chris “this team would be better if everybody played like me, Ovett when he used to be good and Cory” McCunn scored a try that seemed like an individual effort but I may be wrong.

Remember that time I wrote that we are nearly unbeatable with a lead? We played Sherbrooke like we were completely unsure of what we were doing. We’ve been trying to play the exact same game plan for two or more years now and we still wait until half time to get our acts together every game.

We were down two points at half-time and completely fell apart for 30 minutes after the half letting those French %^&& () from &^^( (&^$ nowhere walk all over us. I know a high school kid that would’ve been the best tackler we had out there.

For a time at the end we pulled it together but it was too little, far too late, and we lost the game 24-12. Some of you might wonder why I don’t always post the score or mention that we won. It’s because we go out there to do no less than to play our best and win the game and that result should not need mentioning; the losses are the exceptions, the losses are news.

Roger Dodger decided to talk to the two infamous players at the same time this week, in interview we have Christina Quinn and Ovett “like corvette without the muscle” Edwards:

Roger Dodger: So did you guys like put a bet down on Sherbrooke before you played this game because if you each made ten thousand dollars that might justify the loss.

Christina Quinn: Hey it’s over, this stuff happens we’ll take the lesson and move on.

Corvette without the Muscle: Hey why don’t you go *^%$ yourself Roger

RD: I’m sorry that was a little rough but let me ask you a hypothetical question. If you guys lose to the worst team in the league what does that make you guys?

CQ: Roger you’re walking a fine line between and b!tch slap and an a$$ kicking

CWM: Ditto.

RD: You guys are right it’s a little too soon to joke about it I guess, on a serious note did you guys both get tackling lessons from Scott Gill because I haven’t seen somebody get out of the way so fast since I watched a bullfight in Spain.

CQ: I’m outta here this interview is over.

CWM: You know Roger we didn’t exactly put our best foot forward as a club, despite any shortcomings I may have as a player it takes 15 guys to win a game.

RD: Is that the kind of thing you tell yourself when you and CQ lose Beaconsfield a game. Next time why don’t you cut the new-age psycho babble and put your shoulder into one of those guys running at the try line, you might win a game.

CWM: Jerk!

RD: I know you are but what am I?

CWM: I’m leaving

RD: Not without me

CWM: You should have thought about that before making fun of your ride home.

RD: This interview is over once again