8 Reasons I Don't Miss Zoe

1- She has a webcam so I still get to see her, and she’s as pretty in the face as anyone I know

2- I no longer have to endure long boring calls about whether George ‘really’ likes her

3- She starts precisely the right number of msn conversations with “wanna see my tits?”

4- I no longer get random voice mails from George telling me that he’s doing something I’ll never do, and it’s incredible

5- I can tell people she’s my ex and she’ll never find out (I’m always the dumper in the story)

6- I’m now even more motivated to go to Europe. Zoe and Shannon both promised to hook me up with their ‘office slags’

7- Timmy Q has finally stopped calling to ask me if I ‘put in a good word for him’

8- Her mom and I can now accomplish our master plan of hooking me up with Zoe’s kid sister