Everybody Still Hates Ovett

We got tooled this week-end, and for no good reason. We didn’t have a lot of subs but the consensus after the game was that there had to have been someone better than Ovett “Like Corvette but really not like one at all” Edwards.

BRFC started badly but the idea was to hold them to the fewest number of points while they had a strong wind at their back and then try to make it up in the second. The team gave up too many points however. Whether on simple runs or quick line-outs it seemed as if everything St Lambert did ended in points or big yards.

The only thing people said about St Lambert was that their eight man (the second best in the league) is back and hard to shut down. Nobody even knew they had an eight man because our scrums were so strong. We took a minimum of three yards on each scrum which completely took him out of the game.

The game was scrappy and it seemed that we aren’t as good at not getting caught as they are so we took a few penalties too many. The real problem with the game was that we were playing in a somewhat disconnected fashion, and our backs namely Ovett let in what seemed like a million tries.

Try as they might BRFC was unable to overcome the shortcomings of their undersized and overly aggressive somewhat antagonizing winger. He let in one try on his wing although you wouldn’t necessarily be able to tell unless you had just the right perspective; and then he let in another when he failed to mark a line out although some of the nicer guys from his team do concede that it was a ninety five yard kick and very difficult to chase down.

So in interview we have called forward the infamous winger once again to atone for his sins on Saturday.

Roger Dodger: So honestly how do you let their 30 year old fullback run through you like that and just stand there.

Ovett: You know Roger we’re adapting to a new defensive set up and once we work some things out I’m sure our defense will be what it once was.

Roger Dodger: It will be the defense that got you guys relegated?

Ovett: No jerkface it will be the defense that got us to the finals.

Roger Dodger: OK you let in one try because you guys were “adapting to a new blah blah blah” but you let in a second one because you were trying to smoke their winger instead of just containing him, you let your pride get in the way of your game and you lost the game because of that try.

Ovett: Yes, I wanted to smoke the guy but I also wanted to send him down the sideline. Earlier I forced him in and they made forty yards I figured if I sent them down the sideline then somebody could just knock him out of bounds, I took the chance on looking like a fool so we could shut them down.

Roger Dodger: And they scored five points. But I’ll grant that you were struggling with a new defense on the first try that was your fault and I’ll grant that you were trying to make use of the sideline which ended up being your fault but what about at the end of the game when you could have undone it all but instead got Matty killed?

Ovett: I could have sworn we had a two on one when I slipped that ball past the opposition I thought Matty was gone. I figured I had to keep the ball alive if we were going to get it done and I made a bad decision instead of just reacting to what was happening. I apologize Roger I let us down and next week when the swim team is back I’m sure my mistakes will be reflected in the line up.

Roger Dodger: At least you supported McCunn well when Vince hit him on the blind side for a try.

Ovett: You’re such a jerk I’m never doing another interview again.

The line-up:

1- Jeff “The Naughty School Boy” Lawrence

2- Tim “I’m waiting till Parc-O to really turn it on” Quinn

3- Scott “I’ll have enough kids for my own rugby team soon” Warcup

4- Cory “I still ain’t saying nothing about him” White

5- Greg “If only they would let me play 10” Gallant

6- Darryl “Big Players don’t brag” Hosquet

7- Chris “Why won’t they just play like me?” McCunn

8- Chris “If we played the best 8-man and I played better, that makes me best right?”

9- Vince “I’ll be too old to play when the rest of you are good enough to keep up” Nickson

10- Scott “My rugby team went to Italy and all I brought back was this weird burning sensation when I pee”

11- Paul “Axe, I may be offside but I didn’t touch him and it may be a high tackle but he can still walk”

12- Mike “when your dimples are this big you pick up a lot” Antonekia

13- Tim “I’m pretty sure Harrison tackles better than Ovett” Brown

14- Ovett “I may play big but I play bad” Edwards

15- Matt “One more pass like that Ovett and I’m going to deflower your ex” Heron