Congratulations on your Baby!

Cory, or Corey, and his wife are the proud new parents of a little baby. Initial reports indicate that the baby may be of the feminine persuasion and may have a name beginning with ‘J’. Beaconsfield’s Women’s team of 2020 is excited at the prospect of a winning season.

Beaconsfield is Upset in Quarters

Beaconsfield lost a close won against St Anne’s on Saturday. Although heavily favoured by Blogspot odds-makers, the team didn’t show up… on time.

A quarter-final game wasn’t enough to get the team excited about playing rugby that day. We tend to need the added pressure of playing a team that is supposed to beat us, case in point- Quebec. Twice we played them and twice we should have lost but both times we adhered to our game plan as if it were a sacred book and won the game. This is not to say that we didn’t do so last game but there are written rules in our book and unwritten rules.

Our game plan demands that we play in their end. We did that mostly. Off the kick-off we got deep in their end and scored right away.

Our game plan demands that we play smart, by the book and when in doubt, kick. We did that and although some kicks didn’t find space, or touch, or found touch too soon, our kicking game was solid.

Our game plan demands that we attain a state of focus, mental toughness and spiritual awareness that no rugby team in Canada has ever tried to attain. We failed miserably in this respect. For the second time this year and for the second game in a row I felt as if we weren’t trying hard enough and of course by ‘we’ I mean Chris “How do call yourself Irish” Quinn. I firmly believe that if he would have tried harder then we would have undoubtedly won that game and handily.

To find out a little more about why Chris “A Real Irishmen would tackle like a man” Quinn showed up later than even Ovett (although he was technically ready before Ovett) we managed to get close to him under the guise of “having a word about the game,”

Roger Dodger: “So Chris what did you think of the game?”

Chris: “Obviously we lost but the game seemed technically sound, we just had no snap in our step”

Roger: “What do you think this means for next year?”

Chris: “We either get lucky and Quebec doesn’t move up or we go undefeated”

Roger: “What steps are you taking to ensure a better season next year?”

Chris: “Well we have a special machine in the works that I’m told will make a huge difference”

Roger Dodger: “It isn’t a time machine is it?”

Chris: “No”

Roger “But honestly Chris, what happened to you out there, why weren’t you trying?”

Chris: “Ovett don’t make me punch you”

There you go folks Chris is obviously angry with himself for losing us the game and is not only half delirious (calling me Ovett) but has projected the anger he has for himself on this innocent game reporter.

We have fun stuff in the works for the next few week-ends and I would love to take this opportunity to thank our coach, because without his vision and dedication we would not be where we are. Guillermo, be careful with your back it can’t be safe to have 15 rugby players on your shoulders.

I would also like to thank and congratulate all the guys that showed up Tuesdays/ Thursdays, you improved as players and as athletes, and the work wasn’t easy. To all the guys who chose to answer those calls on Friday nights, and drove out to the games, and kept us in the game, thank-you.

Also to our sponsor 'Cheevz' at the West Island Tennis Club, thank-you for being the best hosts on the island and making us the best hosts in the league… and for hiring the most beautiful women in Montreal.

The Hi Five (in roman numerals) is a Grand Success

Events of nudity, and making out, both took place making “The Big Gay Jeff S. is Moving to Toronto because he caught the Hi five (in roman numerals) and the Doctors are Better There Party” everything it was supposed to be and more.

I’m not sure at which point it turned into the “Hi Fi Party” (for short) but when we all started signing him with a sharpie® it seemed pretty clear. Having left with a back covered in drawings sayings and 51.7 tic-tac-toe games that he’ll never be able to wash off, Jeff was happy as could be since the waitress made out with him.

Jeff good luck in Toronto, it’s not that bad, and you might not be the only guy to make out with that waitress that night (just kidding) but you are definitely the best (no I really mean it)

We love you Jeff and we’ll miss you Bud, until next month when we trash your new apartment and offend your neighbours.

*in case you can't make out the writing it says 'if found naked please administer orgasm'

Beaconsfield Loses a Wet One 20-3

Saturday at 3:10pm I forgot a lesson that I learnt years ago. The lesson was about how to deal with a bully. Being 5’8’’ and 154lbs soaking wet, like on Saturday, this lesson has proven invaluable a few times in my life on the field but especially off.

A friend once told me the story of a boy that was getting bullied at school. He was a tough boy but this bully was bigger and stronger and as the oldest sibling in his family he had no one to turn to but his father. So the boy told his father that at school he had a ‘friend’ that sometimes said things and went too far. The ‘friend’ knew what he was doing but the boy didn’t know how to deal with him because this bully was bigger. The father told his son that the next time this bully said something and the boy knew it was offside he, the son, should muster all his strength and punch this bully in the face as hard as he could. Now the father warned his son that he might have to catch a beating in return but from that moment on this bully would know that if he wanted to say something offside then he would get punched in the face.

Now I am definitely not trying to say anybody should have thrown a punch this week-end but I know I didn’t play well enough to force these guys to throw me a beating. I could have adapted better to the ball I was getting. And I could have worked our game plan harder. Now we still might have caught a beating but at least I could have finished the game knowing I did what I could, at least I wouldn’t have let them bully me into abandoning what we’ve spent a season building. Having said that, how about a fake interview with the only person not to make any mistakes on the field this week-end, our own, our president, Tim Quinn?

Roger Dodger: So Tim no missed tackles this week-end, no dropped balls, no penalties either what’s your secret?

Tim El Presidente: Ovett, I heard you sucked this week-end why won’t you play better?

Roger: It’s Roger, and I didn’t suck this week-end, BRFC just played a bad one.

Mr President: Are you sure, because I heard you sucked and your put-ins we’re horrible?

Roger: I’m the game reporter so I wasn’t playing, but as a spectator I saw the scrumhalf struggle early and then sort out his problem, and by sort out his problem I mean feed the ball directly to our second row.

Mr. President (who I’ll vote against once again): I’m just saying I heard you sucked and we lost the game and Jamal was saying if he had a little more ball he could have made up for you sucking.

Fun times from the week-end-

Chris Quinn (Tim's Brother): "Ovett you sucked today"
Ovett : "No I didn't"
Chris Quinn (Tim's Brother): "Yes you did, and so did I and Torres really sucked asked Guillermo.

Also-

Ovett: Tim did you really make Frank ref the second's game so he wouldn't just hang out on the wing? That's cruel!
Tim: Jess

Beaconsfield Beats Quebec 27-3, "I got him, I got him, F*&% NOOOOO!!,"make that 27-10

Playing Quebec last week-end was fun. We definitely proved that we were missing more in our first match with our 6 vacationing starters than they were with their missing fly-half.

All game Pat "Butt Kicker Extraordinaire" Kerton kicked butt. He smoked his opposing center so hard and so consistently, guys from both teams and the official cringed at the sight. Tim "Butt Kicker As Well" Brown, not wanting to be left out, put the smack down in his own right. The two teamed up to make the hit of all hits, when they came from all sides to break the Quebec Fly-half into pieces on a short restart to himself. Later in an interview the two would concede admiration for the opposing player as they "did not expect him to get back up."

The eight-man from the other team said it best when he explained that their fly-half who usually went for a few runs a game only saw defenders when he looked up. "He had nowhere to go," he said.

Kicking for touch and points was what it needed to be. Could it have been better? Fly-half Scott "The Torrador" Gill would be the first to say yes but it went well nonetheless.

In our first match up against this team the forwards sent them backwards on every scrum and made our scrum-half look like a tackling machine which, he is not. To the forwards credit though all the put-ins could have been judged feeding, whether it was the opposing scrum-half sending the ball into the second row's feet or our own scrum-half sending the ball into the opposing team's front row. Luckily our coach blamed our hooker for hooking and not our scrum-half for feeding to the other team. Even though the put-ins weren't fabulous the scrum-half had a better game than in week's past. Except for when he passed a ball to Chris "If I Can Drop Kick in Practice I can Drop Kick in Games" Quinn. Ovett must have told Chris "I do What I'm Told" Quinn to drop back into the pocket and try a drop kick. True to form he tried it and missed; he didn't miss the drop kick- he missed the ball.

Other notable plays include the second to last play of the game. Off the back of a ruck the opposing fly-half who was recovered from the gang tackle by our centers cut outside and Scott "Has anyone seen my cape" Gill lined him up. The fly-half then cut inside and Scott "Because that's the only cape that goes with this purse" Gill stayed with him and got that purse ready and set. Then came a play that flirts that grey line where the best players play, the fly-half cut for a third time, yes a third cut, our president is checking the law book as we speak and is ready to contest the play if necessary. Scott "Who plays Commando? I play Commando" Gill wasn't looking for his cape or his purse now; he was looking for his underpants. But like a true leader he took immediate and complete responsibility for the missed tackle, and Chris "Straight shooter" Quinn gave it to him straight, "No Sh*t."

The Quebec Guys stayed after the game and ate pasta with meat sauce and then left and we all thought about how much we would hate driving three hours to get home after losing a game. The post game was marked by a very pleasant talk with the guys. It might be the first time that so many of us just sat around and chilled out at our very gracious sponsor Cheevz at The West Island Tennis Club. For more on that we have a fake interview with Britney from Cheevz.

Roger: "Hi, Britney do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions for our write-up"

Britney: "Umm… ok shoot"

Roger: "Do you want to go out on a date?"

Britney: "No"

Roger: "That's it 'no' how about something a little longer, maybe multiple syllables"

Britney: "How about 'ne-ver' ?"

Roger: "Maybe you need to think about it, do you want to think about it?"

Britney: "No... Actually how about 'not real-ly' that's multiple syllables, I'm good at this, anything else?"

Roger: "No"

Britney: "Hey, that's only one syllable!"