Barbs go down 43-0

The game was better than the games we’ve been playing lately and that slight improvement should be our only source of contentment or at least one of very few.

We spent the better part of the day on offence, almost as if the Barbs knew it was the part of our game we are still working out. They didn’t even seem to be defending their own scrum ball. At least that’s the only explanation that I could come up with since they were facing a technique that is ‘too easy to beat.’

Our first try of the day was off a messy ball that somehow found its way into our fly-half’s hands. Insert one fake switch, and wrap it in wide pass to I-pod (the new radio get it? [nickname courtesy of Mike Lomei) and you have all the makings for another try for I-pod which once again killed Ovett a little bit on the inside.

Forwards had another push over try which went a little bit like this “5m, 4m, 3m, you’re in” but it sounded a lot more like this “5 meters… four meters… uhm 2meters… keep pushing… ok three meters… ok… you’re there.”

But the try that summed up the hot forwards action was not the big kick return Torres, with a great pop to Chris, who went on a long run and off-loaded to Scott, who ran great support and presented great ball, which was very hot.

It was the line out on the 5 meter line. Ball to Chris “Wedding crasher 1” off the top to Corey “Wedding crasher 2” (the way they play together makes you think those guys share a brain) Corey was patient in contact and Greg “Skipper extraordinaire” muscled the guys in for five points.

Back in the backs, inside the opposing team’s 25 meter line; Gill took a rare good ball off a scrum faked a switch to Hosket “The Salesman of all salesmen” and hit Jamal who was at a brisk walk but then turned it up to a light jog for the crowd and scored five points under the posts. Ovett died a little more and so did Matt probably.

Quotes and conversations from this week-end

1^st 40 minutes

You’re offside that’s your first warning – Pierre Drolet to our scrum-half

You can’t mess with my nine – Scott Gill to their flanker about our scrum-half

Yellow for you, yellow for you – Pierre Drolet

2^nd 40 minutes

You’re offside… You’re still offside… Yellow for you – Pierre Drolet to our scrum-half

Act like you’ve scored before – Pierre Drolet

Can you just get him to play better? – Chris Quinn to Scott Gill about our scrumhalf

Play better! – Chris Quinn to our Scrumhalf who overheard him talking to Scott

3^rd Half

The ladies finals were after our game so we all went back to Mirabel and then to the TC and then to Cunningham’s and then to Ste Anne’s and then back to Cunningham’s and the fun followed.

Overheard at the bar

“So Gill hits him with his purse so hard the change spilled all the way to the goal posts” – Our Skipper to anyone and everyone who would listen

Ovett- “Gill thanks for what you did I appreciate it and I’m grateful-"

Gill- “You did not appreciate it and as soon as I jumped on the guy I realized you wouldn’t appreciate it, nor would you be grateful.”

Ovett- “Uhm jess”

“Hey they did an article on Keith in the mirror, you’d think after all that unpleasantness at his firm Norbourg he’d be on the down low” – our skipper kidding around once again

“My most embarrassing moment during sex? Hmmm… Alone or with someone else?... You better go first, we might be on me for a while” – Our scrum-half

“Once my hand slipped and I went through a window and broke my nose.” – anonymous barb girl (who may have consented to the picture below but definitely did not consent to me re-telling that story)

Beaconsfield Beats the Irish Twice in Less than 800 years, British Left Bewildered

Having a thousand spoons when all you need is a fork is not ironic I’m told. Irony is when the expected outcome is the opposite of the actual outcome in a poignant manner. Losing a tactically perfect game and winning a strategically weak game would be ironic if we didn’t give it our all last week. I was worried that the game last week might have taken the wind out of our sails but that does not seem to be the case at all. BRFC put itself in great position to make a strong and victorious cup run this year.

The First Half

The game was not all bad as some may have claimed. Scrumhalf was a weak link again this week but not so bad that we had to play Danny Mac, thank God. The forwards had a few of their trade mark long scrums and a trademark push over try as well as some good mauls.

The Second Half

Backs did their job by not losing the game. It was a wet day. Radio scored. Ovett died a little on the inside, it’s been six years since his last try.

I imagine watching this game was almost as nerve racking as watching the Parc-O game. But I know that I would rather watch my team sit on the try line and knock on the other team’s door than to actually score and have to leave their red zone and I know of an Argentinean coach who feels the same way.

The Third Half

Scott, Danny and Ovett entered a Texas Hold ‘em Poker tournament at the Irish Club House. We were hoping between the two games we took them for and the poker tournament we were about to win, prima noctes would naturally follow.

Unfortunately in poker just as in life and the TC showers I came up short. Out of the 19 players that began playing all three of us made it to the final table but got there a little short stacked. I was out first, fearing the next blind I went all in on pocket fives. Gill was out next chasing a straight I believe. But Danny our pride and joy, BRFC’s best bet took the bad beat to beat all bad beats. On American Airlines, small stacked and facing a giant Danny was all in before the flop and in great position against 9-3 suited. It hurts my heart to say that he was flushed out by the smack talking winger who, in his defense, was nothing but class after the game.

I would like to apologize to the girl from last week's photo for making that picture the wall-paper on my phone. I would understand if you didn't want to forgive me until I take it off my phone if you'll understand that I won't be taking it off my phone.

Ormstown Takes us to Town

Ormstown beat us this week-end or rather we once again chose to not put our best foot forward in a huge game on Saturday.

The day was hot and we started a much better team then we did our last game, still not our best fifteen, but not a bad line up.

We were off to a good start, despite the best efforts of our best scrum-half to hand Ormstown the game three points at a time. Beaconsfield lead 5-3 for the better part of the first half. Although, we did not field our best team but we did field a team good enough to beat them had we put in our best effort.

The game was clearly lost due to a sub par effort by the scrumhalf but there were other problems that did not help. Kicks for space did not always find touch and we weren’t putting enough pressure on the kick-returners. We did not manage to win enough of our line-outs. And we did not retain enough of our own ball. There were some highlights to the game. Third best play came from Dave “Yes Pat has a lil’ brother and he’s awesome” Kerton, he ran the ball down their throats like it had to be done and it paid off with big yards. Second best play came from Pat “Yes he’s a brother on the inside and he’s awesome” Kerton ran threw half the opposing team and intimidated the other half into getting out of the way for Beaconsfield’s only try of the day. Number one play of the game Tim “007 License to Thrill” Brown making a huge tackle on the opposing 13. A pause for a lesson in rugby vocabulary.

Armchair. Noun. 1. Comfortable seating found in the sunroom or on the back porch 2. tackle that instantly transforms a player at maximum velocity to an almost sitting position that looks remarkably like a human armchair usually due to Tim’s shoulder meeting the opposing players sternum.

And the fake interview:

Roger Dodger: DK the other guys won’t talk to me, do you mind doing the fake interview?

DK: Sure bud. They aren’t ignoring you though it’s all in your head, I don’t think you had a bad game.

RD: Thanks DK what about the fact that I lost us the game by costing us penalties, missing tackles and dropping balls?

DK: I feel like I let the team down too. There was more that I could’ve done offensively but there’s a difference between offensive mistakes and defensive ones.

RD: And I made both.

DK: Yes, I guess you did, I’m not sure I’d be able to look myself in the mirror if I were you. Come to think of it, between that dropped ball and that missed tackle that was fourteen points. That was an easy win if you weren’t on the field.

RD: Thanks DK I think that will be all

The news wasn’t all bad though. After telling our coach that I was willing to go the hari kari way if it might get us a chance to play the game again, he said maybe only threatening it would get us the re-match. That put me in a great mood along with the girl below who was sweet enough to help me out of my depression. I think she got the whole thing in her mouth! That's a great end to a bad day. I cropped myself out and added the sprinkles just to make sure I wouldn't be recognized.

2nd to none. 28-7 The J-maul and Mike Hudson Show.

Jamal put one down (the slowest tap and go in the history of the
ruggers) it was like 20 yards though and the Irish that were paying
attention just kinda watched it all go down (sweeeeeet).
Couple that with the two conversions, five penalty kicks, and a cool head throughout the
whole damn thing and it's easy to see why he made the highlight reel

After the game I asked him about it and all he had to say was " You know"
and then he did this thing like he was brushing something off his shoulder.
I think it was a black thing but I dunno I'll google it and back to you.

We started out just like we were supposed to, kicking out of the back field and letting the forwards do their thing until it was try time when the backs lead by Jamal used the whole field to put the points up. In the no substitute for experience category, we had
Jeff Ayoub puttin' one down for the cause. Radio put one down between the
posts (he’s just tryin to be like DK though and everyone sees it). Our
game wasn't as perfect as the final score would have us believe but their backs were tired from running back because Jamals right foot was right all afternoon.

Fil was instrumental at 15 like always and an honorable mention definitely has to go out to Mike Hudson who was like a tackling machine all day (I think one of the Irish mighta said something
about that black eye that he had for like the last six weeks and where he
mighta got it from (Note to self do not mention Mikes black eye). It was a
team effort. We started with 14 surprise, surprise but kept to the game plan and did it up big heading into the cup run.

Cheers

Radio

Beaconsfield Barely Beats ‘em at Bishop’s

We had a close one this week-end against Sherbrooke the score was 3-0 in the first half and although some would argue that the score didn’t reflect the game; the score reflected the game.

In the first half the game seemed like a kicking game. It was not uncommon to see a kick, a return kick, another kick and then one more return kick. Although this was a frustrating game to play it was a testament to our discipline. Our main goal in the first half was to play our game and not be drawn in to an open game where anything could happen.

The plethora of second’s players who came up to fill in for real life wedding crashers proved they weren’t seconds players at all; they are simply first guys who play second’s.

Holding the team to 3 points was also an accomplishment since they did have speed in the backs and we could have won by more if the fullback would have ran the baLL DOWN THEIR THROATS! So how about ten reasons why I think the fullback didn’t run the ball.

10. If he would have tried everybody would have seen that Ovett’s a better runner even with only one ACL

9. That guy they had in the backs was sick fast and if he would have caught him from behind everybody would have seen it and the girls were all watching while they warmed up.

8. That field was way narrower than a normal field it was like a kick return on a high wire.

7. Guillermo said not to

6. The forwards said not to

5. Ovett said to

4. His ankle hurt and his gay was flaring up

3. He was saving himself for the touch game on Sunday and he schooled everyone on Sunday

2. He thought he would find touch at least once that game

1. His girlfriend went to Saranac Lake and took his balls with her to make sure there were no “indiscretions.” I didn't even know they were detachable until this week-end.

The game ended 21-3 and the Sherbrooke guys were the most generous hosts we've had all year. They were all class and good times were had by all, especially after a game that turned a little bit messy late in the game.

Another Win for the Good Guys

Another important win on Saturday, they are all important wins now since we’ve already lost two games. Important mentions should go to the wingers who stepped it up big time in order to fill out our vacation ridden squad. The front row also deserves praise not just for agreeing to play in the front row but also for doing a fantastic job filling in for missing players.

For the first time for as long as I can remember it seems we started this game on our heels. We were pinned back on our own 22m line from the kick off but made it out of the danger zone without being scored on or in government lingo without any occurrence of scoring events.

After that initial ‘push’ out of our territory we played a traditional Beaconsfield game. We pinned them down and scored a try. Pinned them back and took our points. Pinned them back and took more points.

Certain members of the club felt as if we didn’t play a great game but we did come out with a solid win and we did it minus three or four starters.

How about a fake interview then:

Roger Dodger: So Radio you played well today stepped it up big time in order to fill out our squad.

Radio: I told you all I was a starter for this team, coach never wanted to give a ‘brother’ a shot but now you had to and you gotta recognize: that’s my spot.

RD: Well you played well but I don’t know if you did enough to take away the spot from the starters.

Radio: We’re you watching the game or were you too busy getting penalized and not finding touch?

RD: Well when I wasn’t getting called for pinching ball I managed to catch a couple of forward passes and some plays where you seemed out to lunch.

Radio: If you mean I looked hungry that’s right I wanted my spot back it took everything in me to keep from eating somebody, and it’s not over, I’m still hungry, watch out, I might eat somebody.

RD: Alright then I’d say this interview is over.

The Second's Game

A First Division Team in the Seconds?

Subtitle: How the F— Did you Guys Lose my Brand New Ball

2^nd subtitle: Does Being over 35 Make You Second Division?

The game started with a quick exchange that went something like this:

Mr Official: Can we hurry it up these guys have another game at three?

Our Illustrious Skipper: We have a 15minute grace period, I don’t care if they have a game to go stack, we don’t stack our team and that’s why were late.

Game Reporter (me): Skipper you’re awesome.

From there things got even better.

As I was warming up for my return to fullback I did not catch the entire game but from the start the seconds’ team stuck to the game plan and took their points three at a time.

The second’s had a strong line-up, all the usual suspects plus guys who don’t make it out as often as the team would like. They began the game down two players and played the entire game down one. Under these circumstances it is almost acceptable that they lost my brand new ball.

The real question that this win poses is whether being over 35 makes one a second division player. This question arises after the comment by a game reporter that will remain unnamed. I… ah… he said that he wishes that to be able to play that well when he is thirty. I… ah… he was then told that the players he was talking about were both over 35 years old. These players don’t make many practices but seem more fit than the majority of the team or at least as fit as most of the team. While unable to make training sessions however they are definitely stand out players that would fit right into our first div teams. So in an effort to get them out more here is a letter to the two people we need to convince:

To the Wives of Mark and Mike,

Would you please let your husbands be excused from familial obligations on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 6:45pm to 9pm and on Saturdays from 2:15pm to 3am (negotiable?) This would mean a great deal for our team. We have asked them to come out but are not naïve enough to believe that married men get to decide these things on their own. We would put your husbands to great use since they are fantastic players who haven’t lost a step. And they will come in very handy next season as well since our current 8-man seems like he’s about to gain a decision maker in his life too. So to recap then we would like the use of your husbands Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. We understand that they have things to do at home so we are more than willing to send guys from the second team to rake the leaves in the yard and clean out the garage and one of the second’s players is like a guidance counsellor so he can probably even take the kids out to La Ronde or something.

Yours truly,

Beaconsfield Rugby Football Club

The Girls' Last Game

So our ladies played the last game of the season and for many of them it may have been their last game for a few seasons. It is my sad duty to report that the best girls on the team who make up the majority of the skilled positions may all be retiring or at least taking a season or two off.

You may think you don’t know these girls but chances are if you have ever watched a girls game and said wow then you have seen them play. They play the skilled positions 2, 8, 9 & 10 and their loss will definitely will be a blow to the team.

As per their usual, they all played an excellent game on Saturday. Allison “the demon” #9 got to rucks like no one else and always found a way to conveniently be on the wrong side of a ruck or on the off side of a maul in order to win the ball for her team. Gill and I tried to get her on the men’s team at least to sub but our coach said since she hasn’t been to any practices it was out of the question.

Mare “El Presidente” #2 has got to be the most offensive minded hooker in the league. It starts in the defensive scrums that she often wins for her team and continues through to the long runs she makes every game. Watching her play one can only think to oneself that defence is for chumps although she does tackle very well.

Shannon “#8 on the field #1 in my heart” tackles, tackles, tackles like a maniac runs like crazy and her passes are mad… I mean bad, but she tackles like a maniac and runs like crazy, which is all she would have to do if she played for a certain Argentinian coach that I know.

Jessica “I’m responsible for the hotness” #10 reads a field better than any other fly-half in the league and executes. She is lucky to get lots of good ball from #9 and is fearless in dealing with the rarely messy ball. Time and time again I think to myself, if I could read a field like her then guys wouldn’t complain about the decisions I make, she’s awesome.

Congratualtions to all the ladies on their last game of the season. Those of you mentioned above will all be getting phone calls from me Friday nights starting next season.