BRFC Plays like a Bunch of [blogspot edit]

Obviously writing a positive game report is a bad thing for our team as a whole so in an effort to salvage something of this season, there will be no adulations here again. This just became a negative blog.

So firstly, Chris “I’ve played one good game of rugby in 7 seasons” Quinn played like a pansy and Ovett “I’m still looking forward to playing a good game” Edwards did no better. But as a group our backs were consistent while our forwards had a try scored on them which was not at all consistent. Our backs never make yards or do anything of note while our forwards usually look awesome and that wasn’t really the case this week.

If you really want to know how our forwards play then describing the game won’t really do the trick. Just watching you would say that we got off to an early lead playing our game and then sat back and watched while our opponent’s took the game and their destiny into their own hands and fought back. This is not at all accurate or maybe it’s a little accurate but doesn’t get to the real crux of the problem.

Beaconsfield’s forwards are like ‘that girl.’ You know her, trust me, and you hate her. She’s dated a friend of yours or maybe he’s married to her. Or maybe she’s your sister’s friend or maybe you slept with her once and now avoid her at all costs.

What makes ‘that girl’ special, besides the fact that you maybe gave her crabs, is that no matter who she is dating, whether it be the nicest guy in the world or the biggest jerk ever, is that she’s continually finding ways to make herself unhappy. So when she’s dating the big jerk ‘she just can’t leave him’ and when she’s dating the nicest guy in the world ‘she’s just not sure.’ How does it feel to be the game reporter for a team whose forwards have the mental fortitude of 15 year old girls? Not so bad considering they maul at a sprint and win most scrums (offensive and defensive). The part that really hurts is the part that makes ‘that girl’ so annoying she complains about things with obvious solutions and always makes bad decisions.

Some people knew about this before reading this article and some people were watching the game and were worried as soon as BRFC scored their first points. Our outside center playing like five outside centers intercepted a pass and touched it down for five points. But the points came too easy and BRFC may have lost a little respect for the team and maybe the game. Fears were calmed a little when our very girly pack ran a maul into the try zone for five points. I, for one, have never seen a maul move so quickly. But instead of being calmed by BRFC returning to their normal ways I should have been leery that the maul may have been too easy.

From there we stopped doing the little work that pays off big. For example BRFC waited for guys in tackles. The three yards that you wait for a guy that’s running at you can be the most important three yards in a game, it takes a lot to say that I’m going to step forward and risk the possibility that I might make a hole if my teammates don’t step up with me but you have to trust and force your team to do it and if you make a hole and they get by at least a lesson is learned with the loss. Because I’m not sure if there is any loss worse than a loss you can’t take a lesson from.

I won’t name who played this game out of respect or name which BRFC player got sin binned although I’ll give you a hint. He was one of the guys that wanted desperately to chide me for taking a penalty which may or may not have allowed the Irish to score their first try and get in the game. Please check here on the right hand side for our playoff schedule.

Just so everyone knows where I stand.

When we changed McCunn, we should have changed the other fourteen men instead and left him on.

Chris Quinn is out of the Closet

For 5 seasons we knew him as one of the best second rows in the league and for the last two seasons we knew him as the worst 8-man, but now he is out of the closet and playing the best rugby of anyone on our team; except for Corey and Chris McCunn.

For quite some time our coach thought Chris had a learning disability and was just unable to comprehend the finer intricacies of back row play. He coddled Chris and didn’t push him to try to be an impact player. It turns there’s a lot of talent hidden in that spare tire and Chris has raised the bar of play on this team for everyone, except for Corey and Chris McCunn.

In an unbelievable turn of events Chris was called to kick for touch and points and what’s even more shocking is that he went 100% for kicks (converting at least one try in the corner) and kicking consistently and quickly for touch.

As if this wasn’t enough for a team that has known whole seasons without conversions (we still love you Harry) he managed to block a kick and recover the ball setting up his teammate for a try. I’m not sure but sources say that he was going to score that one for his mother.

Now the most unfortunate part about this isn’t that we all have to live the rest of our lives knowing that we won’t ever play a game like that but that we also have to live our lives knowing that Chris will never play another game like that.

The other worst part is that a lot of guys had really stand-out games. Paul ‘Axe’ Walker was lethal on defence completely man handling their biggest guy. Georgie ‘Porgie Pudding Pie kiss the girls and make ‘em flee to Switzerland’ was really able to make something out of nothing on offence. And Dave ‘I went to the Virgin Islands and now they’re just the Islands’ Lawrence had a performance that I’d say makes him a front runner for the hard man award. Tim ‘007 license to Thrill’ Brown had a great game and only came in at half-time.

Everybody had a great game and then Chris goes and ruins the write-up for everyone so let’s see what he has to say for himself:

Roger Dodger: So Chris now that the secret’s out are you feeling a little more free, I mean not spending so much time hiding this side of yourself really seems to be helping your game?

Chris: You have no idea what it’s like to be living a lie I’m just glad that my family was here and now everybody can get to know ‘the man inside me’.

Roger: And how do you think this is going to impact your relationship with he rest of the team?

Chris: Well I’m not the first athlete to drop this kind of news on his team, but our guys are great, I love these men and I’m sure they’ll accept me for who I am because in the end it’s about the rugby.

Roger: Well I salute what you did here today it took a lot of courage and I wish you well for the rest of the season.

Chris: Thank-you Roger, hey what are you doing tonight? Some of the guys and I are going to Cunningham’s to meet up with some people and then we’re going to party it up at Mark and Steve and Gary’s there is lots of space there to crash but you’re going to have to share a bed, it’ll be a lot of fun, everybody’s cool, are you in…

Roger: This interview is over.

The men who were there:

1- Greg ‘sticky icky Shrek’ Gallant

2- Tim ‘So about Zoe’s little sister…’ Quinn

3- Dave ‘Everybody’s favourite Spaniard’ Torres

4- Corey ‘Big man on campus’ White

5- Chris ‘Player of the game every game’ McCunn

6- Dave “He can lead a horse to water AND make him drink” Lawrence

7- Scott ‘The most consistent man in rugby’ Warcup

8- Chris “Bi-curious” Quinn

9- Fil “called me twice to beg for his own paragraph in the write-up” Dobrosielski

10- Paul “Triple Axe Threat” Walker

11- Dave “If I played like him I’d be more popular than my brother” Kerton

12- Mike “even if I wasn’t more jacked than everybody I’d still be tougher”

13- Georgie “Porgie pudding pie kiss the girls and they fly to random Nordic countries” Emery

14- Ovett ‘Man was I glad nobody killed me when our mark got changed to their penalty’ Edwards

15- Matt “the real cause of all the anger and resentment in side of me that only comes out at the most inconvenient times” Heron

16- Duncan “I taught him how to do that to the horses” Rancher (for Torres)

17- Hosquet "Chris may be out of the closet but e's never had ten men" (for McCunn)

18- Tim “007 license to score at will” Brown (for the handsomer of the Kertons)

19- Scott “The burning has stopped but now I think I might be pregnant” (for Emery)

20- Ryan “Squirrel Paw” Wilds

21- Jeff “School boy” Lawrence

22- Damian “Polo” Poole