sheriff john brown never liked me for what reasons i think i know

Ok so as anybody that has an older brother out there knows, there are certain rules to who drives when you have a sibling in the car. If you borrowed the parentals’ vehicle, then the older one drives, because they’re older. If it’s the older one’s vehicle then the older one drives because it’s their car. If the older sibling is female then you drive because they’re a girl. If it’s your vehicle or a rental vehicle the older one drives or you drive but only through their graciousness. If you rent a car and the older one has misplaced his license then he drives because he’s older. And if he gets pulled over and gets a ticket, that ticket belongs to you because you had a license only until sheriff John Brown decided that 85mph in a school zone, where there was construction work going on is “a lil’ fast there boy” and then that license becomes property of the driver.

Sheriff Brown: “Do you know why I pulled you over?”

Radio : “No sir.”

The constant narrative in my head: “That’s right play stupid and provoke the guy it’s my license and everybody’s going to jail anyways when he decides to search the car since those guys in the back decided seven hours was too long to wait to start getting drunk on duty free booze”

Sheriff Brown: “Here’s your ticket sir”

Radio: “Thank-you officer I’m sorry about that you caught at the bottom of a hill”

The narrative: “Oh you didn’t just thank-him, you think your funny I’m not paying that sh** and don’t even think I won’t tell Mom’

Driving away

TMR Dudes in the Back seat: “I thought you forgot your license… Whoa what just happened here… but you guys are sitting right beside each other!”

Tour Rules

These are the tour rules Hot Dave sent out, I may have
forgotten to send them to my brother, oops..


This year's NY 7's tour will be called the TMR "Fast and
Loose in NY" Tour, because that's how 7's is. This year
the tour rules will be very simple and are as follows:
1- You must have tour shades.
2- You must have a lego man, the coolest one you can
  concoct.
3- Your Lego man must have a name and a fantasy, the
  fantasy must contain the words "fast" and "loose".

This is my lego man's story,

This lego man is a tribute to LL Cool J  and his clothing
line,  LL’s clothing line is FUBU -For Us By Us.  He makes
baggy clothes that make black guys look like clowns so that
they can’t get jobs and work for ‘the man’.  He does this
because he is smart and caring and knows that you don’t get
ahead by working for ‘the man’, you get a head by becoming
him.  This lego man has only one leg because LL rolls up
one leg on his jeans to show that he’s smart and he always
has a leg up on the competition just like we will in New York. 

LL Cool J has been his hero forever and his fantasy is to meet him in New York. He has sold millions of records and his greatest accomplishment was staying alive until the end of ‘Mindhunters’ and paving the way for black guys in suspense movies to stay alive until the end. In another movie ‘Any Given Sunday’ LL sleeps with fast and loose white women. This lego man likes fast and loose white lego women. Although I would never condone sleeping with fast and loose white women those chicks were ‘H’-‘O’-‘T’ hot.

The TMR’s NY 7’s

The TMR’s NY 7’s
Fast and Loose Tour
Because Good rugby is like
The Perfect Woman

So I sent the t-shirts to the printer with a syntax error (and signed off on the confirmation he sent) so I need to come up with ways of justifying it and/ or hiding it.

“The TMR’s NY’s 7’s”

I figure if I can come up with a different abbreviation for TMR then maybe I can make sense out of it.

TMR…

Three man ruck… Too much radness… too many recoveries (like alcoholics), three man-love (insert funny and pertinent ‘r’ word here because i can't think of one)…

This is hard I guess a black magic marker will have to do the trick.

How about five reasons why we’re going to win this tournament?

1. I heard it’s cold there this year and scoring tries will keep me warm
2. Driving eight hours back with Mr Radio complaining about the loss would be unbearable (although eight hours with him bragging may be almost as bad.)
3. If I win this tournament for TMR they might agree to the conditions I gave them in order to play for them next summer, 600 000$ signing bonus here I come.
4. The combination of my talent and good looks is enough to dominate any tournament; I could probably win this tournament from the sidelines. Even the guys told me I would be watching from the sidelines…
5. Three TMR chicks teams. Chicks dig winners, “Hey sweet lady how would you like to ‘Suck a winner’s... (Insert funny and appropriate appendage here because I can only think of one and this is a family show)”

a flash from the past

When I was in kindergarten we used to spend what seemed like hours looking at flash cards. This one girl at the front used to get them all. I don’t think I shouted out one answer that whole year of half days.

I can still see the bright shiny red apple. I was a shy kid and it didn’t help that it was a French immersion class and I really didn’t speak any French until years later. It came to me the other day that I never really grew up.

What I mean is that my mother still seems to test me on fruits and doesn’t even bother testing me on vegetables.

“What’s this?” She’ll ask me walking down the aisle in a dark, dusty grocery store that sells things that Mr. IGA never heard of.

“I’m not sure, is it…” My mother gives me a look like I’m a child on the verge of learning something that I should already know.

“Smell it” she’ll say, we never smelled the flash cards, and yet my mother can’t understand how I would try to name it before smelling it.

I smile big because my nose assures me it’s guava and my smile assures my mother, or maybe reassures her.

Banquet 2005

The 2005 Beaconsfield Rugby Banquet was a success.

Award winners were Jeff Sehn for Most Improved Player with honourable mentions to Ryan ‘Squirrel Paw’ Wilds and ‘Handsome Hudson’ Mike Crowle.

Pat ‘The Rasta Stunt Man’ Kerton won The Hard Man Award with honourable mentions to Matt ‘The Other Jamaican” Heron and Mike ‘I hate Jamaicans’ Antonekia.

Andy ‘Everyone’s Favourite President’ Cowell won team player and honourable mentions went to Jeff Ayoub and Hudson Duncan.

MVP went to Tim “007 license to Thrill’ Brown (link to his blog on the right hand side) with honourable mentions going to Fil Dobrosielski and Tim “In Recovery but off the Wagon” Quinn.

The Democracy Award for the player who was the worst choice for his position except for all the others went to Ovett “what made you think you could play scrumhalf” Edwards.

The ladies showed up looking beautiful as always and the crowd was far too awestruck to hear who was given which award, for what, especially with all the cat calls and marriage proposals being yelled out. Did I mention how good Zoe, Lisa, Mel and Dion looked? They were my dates. Honourable mentions go out to Arielle, Van and Melina who know better than to date me.

There were a number of highlights throughout the evening and it is unfortunate that I can’t seem to download any pictures to this site. Although the best part of the evening had to be seeing Gill’s girlfriend’s boob, and I was never able to download mental pictures. I must say that was a very nice boob and you don’t have to take my word for it ask Tim Q.

Val Kilmer, A Star is Brightly Shining

You know how most movie stars have a double that is a star, officially, but doesn’t shine quite as brightly. Like Catherine Zeta-Jones and Penelope Cruz or Antonio Banderas and Hank Azaria or Kevin Bacon and Kiefer Sutherland (I’m not sure which one of these guys is the star).

I think Val Kilmer got a raw deal. Now Brad Pitt has done some great movies among them Fight Club, Spy Game and Ocean’s Eleven but Val Kilmer has done his share too and when you go to rent them at your local video store they’re in. Yup, no waiting for the Val Kilmer movies. No rush to be the first one there even though they don’t carry more than one copy. So go rent Spartan and if you haven’t seen Heat, At First Sight and The Saint then go see those too because it’s just not fair that Val Kilmer got stuck being Brad Pitt’s double, nobody could live up to that.

A Fitting Time

“Gentleman’s Agreement” is a great film about anti-Semitism in 1940’s New York City. The title is a comment on how small, seemingly inoffensive phrases, that ill-define profound problems, can be used as a tool to perpetuate some of the greatest crimes.

On a purely aesthetic level, the movie is as stylish as the time in which it was filmed. It’s fun to watch people smoke all the time and receive calls at a restaurant. Men wear hats and remove them when appropriate. Women wear skirts and expect to be let through doors but led through crowded rooms. The difference in roles between genders was distinct then, as distinct as race and religion.

It’s an especially fitting time to talk about discrimination. With the passing of Rosa Parks and the anniversary of her civil action, or inaction maybe, it can serve as a reminder of when differences in race were more distinct. When the difference between blacks and whites was where they lived, what jobs they did, where they were allowed to eat and in what way they were allowed to serve in their countries’ armed forces. It wasn’t just a gentlemen’s agreement it was national policy, it was law.

Please go rent this movie; if your video store doesn’t have it then go buy it; if you can’t buy it, get in touch with me and I’ll lend it to you.