Welcome to Calgary!

Where the chicks are hot and the guys have no game.

I swear the guys here are actually worse than I thought or I got shut down last night in the most twisted and creative way I’ve ever been shut down.

This is the actual text message dialogue I had last night, Calgary guys are so weak:

SBRP: So Christine, you’re incredibly attractive, can I assume you have a boyfriend?
REPLY: Actually this is the boyfriend. What Do you want?
SBRP: Just making sure my instincts are still sharp, thanks for the confirmation
REPLY: Say hi to ur momma for me son
SBRP: It’s funny how my buddies and I joke about Calgary guys having no game, thanks bud for proving the rule
REPLY: Ur a loser
SBRP: Very accurate, you must be special to be so perceptive :)
REPLY: Did u choke ur chicken cuz at this moment I’m shagging Christine and she says hi

So right off I know my buddies are going to be mad at me:

-First rule is: who cares if she has a boyfriend

-Next is the guy basically begged me to send a message back that said “So you’re girlfriend thinks about me when you’re having sex? Doesn’t surprise me.” But I didn’t send it because it seemed offside… although he was begging for it

So last night at the Auburn

I completely invite myself into the conversation the bar maid is having with the off duty waitress / actress (I have to be pretty bold out here without four buddies scrounging up chicks for us, I no longer roll like a rock star).

Within minutes the off duty waitress is almost in tears, I thought it was because I was telling her she didn’t understand Othello but it might be because I asked her what her favourite play is and she named the one with the inter racial couple and I didn’t pick up on the cue. Maybe my game was a little off, or was it. She goes outside for a smoke and comes back with Christine.

I immediately start throwing game and start using every trick I know including pretending to know the owner. And the girls are pretending not to ignore me.

Then Jess, the other handsome but not so Black, owner of the Auburn comes in and does the super over the top hello, asks me if I’m settled, and I introduce him to his own waitress and the friend; he apologizes that he has to run. And right away I make the very important leap from guy pretending to know Jess to the guy who actually knows Jess so I’m counting my lucky stars and in my head I’m already planning on how to kick Christine out of bed. (I hope there’s a special place in Heaven for guys like Jess, if not there’s a special place in my heart.)

I suggest that they come over for dinner tomorrow if they are free (rule 2 create a reason to see girl again). She gives me a phone number (new rule never assume anything and try phone numbers right away).

They leave and on my way home I send a text (rule 1 ½ always compliment the girl). That’s when things took a turn for ideal scenario 26 eleventeen ZZZ with the dialogue above.

I don’t know if the dude was trying to get me riled so that I would say something incriminating but I was dying to send a message like ‘does she still taste like me?’ but once again I just couldn’t bring myself to sink that low or in my case sink that sideways (get it I’m already pretty low).

The moral(e?) of this story is Calgary guys have no game and Gill’s brother and I guess Gill by relation is/ are awesome.

And I have no idea whether she gave me the wrong number or whether he had her phone, I realy really really hope it's option 2.

Not from around here

I think I just got access to my blog, now I can start doing write-ups from Calgary, Hey I just became a foreign correspondent!