A Cold Start

I once saw a rugby game that reminded me of cars crashing into each other. Both teams refused to give up one inch right from the kickoff and the result was a little bit scary. Huge guys running at each other and daring the other to break while trying to keep himself from doing the same. Our game against St Anne’s was nothing like that. We gave up yards like they were inches and so did they. We passed up chances to send a message when we tackled. Or rather we sent the wrong message. We told them we are just another rugby team. Sure we might have kick-ass scrums, and a very aware back row, as well as a solid backs line but when it comes to putting it all together we can’t or don’t.

After half-time we came out relatively flat and the 0-0 score didn’t help. After an extended intermission in the second half Beaconsfield seemed more like itself. From our own end we kicked the ball. From what I recall our winger tackled their fullback and we scrummed our way to five points.

After that we kicked the ball our winger was right on top of their winger and we scrummed our way to five points.

This wasn’t our best game but for 20 minutes and 14 points we were perfect.

I decided to interview someone from the sidelines this week; our former president and greatest fan Marie-Eve.

Interviewer: So Mare what did you think of the guys today?

Former President: The guys seemed to have a little problem getting all the way in like you were soft and just couldn’t do it.

I: I hear that’s a pretty common problem.

FP: It’s like you guys just had no finish.

I: Well it was pretty hot and nobody really seemed 100%

FP: But it seemed like you guys had an especially hard time holding on… you know like ball retention.

I: Most guys have that problem sometimes you just get excited and one thing leads to another and before you know it you lost control… of the ball.

FP: Well you need to get that under control it’s not high school… rugby.

I: You’re absolutely right Mare thank-you for your time.

The men who couldn’t hold on and get it all the way in:

1- Greg “Shrek” Gallant

2- Ryan “Squirrel Paw” Wilds

3- Jeff “The Real High School Boy” Lawrence

4- Cory “I didn’t say a thing” White

5- Chris “If everyone played like me, Ovett and Cory we’d be awesome” McCunn

6- Darryl “The Defensive Line-Out Master” Hosquet

7- Scott “I only noticed you got sin binned when we started losing territory” Warcup

8- Ms Christina Quinn

9- Fil “The Warrior” Dobrosielski

10- Matt “If I can’t Kick then I’ll tackle” Heron

11- JP “If my last name was Morgan I’d be Happier” Saker

12- Mr Mike ‘Mr’ Antonekia

13- Tim “The Quiet Killer” Poole

14- Damian “The Assassin with the Hair Elastic” Poole

15- Ovett “The New Axe” Edwards

16- Tim "Talk about hot sisters" Quinn

17- Dave "Talk about hot cousins who don't speak anything but Spanish and... Australian" Torres

Hosquet Played Like Ten Men

On Saturday July 22^nd 2006 controversy ruled. The only law on the field was what the strongest men decided. There was no legitimate authority to whom one could submit a plea for justice or protection. In troubled times though when hope is fleeting and fear pervades, good men become great ones while the common people hide. Among those great men that stepped up to protect what the BRFC jersey means, the greatest one of all was Darryl Hosquet and I’ll challenge any man who says otherwise.

While Vinnie bounced balls to Fil, Hosquet played like ten men.

While Warcup refused to pass the ball, Hosquet played like ten men.

While Cory manhandled guys from the other team, Hosquet and everyone else sort of watched and wondered if it was really happening.

And while Ovett touched when he should’ve tackled, Hosquet played like ten men.

We’re lucky he was there to stop tries and make open field tackles. I never knew a flanker could get around the field like that.

The game started as per usual, get into their end and kick a penalty. Forty yards without a tee and everyone loved Fil. Both teams worked hard but were slaves to fate and chance*. In the second half the Irish managed to score two unanswered tries and we had to battle back for our lives and for our pride. After all I did claim we are unbeatable with a lead.

After many penalties and hoping and trying, we almost scored a try which counted for five points because of the official we had. The only thing worse than an official who makes bad calls is an official who tries to make up for the calls on the next play.

For a personal insight into the game we have an interview with Darryl Hosquet who just celebrated his 29^th birthday.

Ovett: Darryl that was an incredible game but before we get into it I just want to wish you a happy birthday, if I look like you when I’m 29 I’ll consider myself very lucky. Now you saved a try on your own and were all over the field how do you keep up the pace all game.

Hosquet: Thanks Ovett we should have a little celebration, why don’t you bring those lady friends of yours by the apartment and we’ll have a little party.

Ovett: Ya… so you almost stopped a second try and it looked like you might have gotten under him but that’s a hard call for an official to make twice in a game, how would you have called it.

Hosquet: That brunette is so cute, I have a great scotch and some awesome music that we could all lounge around to it’ll be nice “c’est tranquille, c’est tranquille.”

Ovett: Ya… you hit that big Aussie in the open field, I don’t know how you got there, let alone how you brought that guy down alone, care to comment.

Hosquet: Forget the music I have a guitar, and a tambourine and a shaker we could all have instruments and just jam, maybe I can find the brunette a flute or something.

Ovett: I’m sure you could, this interview is over.

1- Greg ‘Shrek’ Gallant

2- Ryan ‘Squirrel Paw’ Wilds

3- Ms. Christina Quinn

4- Cory ‘I wouldn’t mess with him if I had a gun, was in my car and doing 55km/h” White

5- JP ‘They Make ‘em Tough in 3^rd World Countries” Saker

6- Chris ‘If I wasn’t on his team I wouldn’t Play’ McCunn

7- Darryl “I’ll find her a Flute’ Hosquet

8- Scott “He won’t pass but does play through injury” Warcup

9- Vince ‘King’ Nickson

10- Fil ‘They loved me, then hated me’ Dobrosielski

11- Damian “Why did you put the headband back on?” Poole

12- Mr Mike Mr Antonekia

13- Tim “Interception, please don’t spike it, please don’t spike it, sweet” Poole

14- Ovett “the funny tackler” Edwards

15- Paul “the funny talker” Walker

* John Donne

War of the Worlds

Pictures courtesy of Hot Zoe Our #1 Fan






The Best Forwards Pack in the Province

The game against Ormstown was a war. It was reminiscent of the fight scene in "Anchorman." After the game instead of going out to drink with the team I decided to lay low and was happy to find myself being blessed by my reverend, although I don’t know if protestant reverends can provide absolution.

It was a hot day in the valley and the shade was sparse. We waited until just before the game started to warm up. Ten minutes was enough to get a sweat on especially after running water for the seconds' game.

It’s hard to find a winner among the men who went to war that day, although Fil did find a loser. It was just a tough day of rugby. Every contact situation was a battle for a yard every kick was a message to the other team. It’s not often we play a team that tries to do to us what we try to do to them.

The best forwards pack in the province seemed to be only holding their own in the beginning of the game. But to the trained eye they were practicing an art that goes back to the caveman days. They were grinding the opposite forwards to the point where they could have their way with them like Florida state university girls on spring break in Mexico.

By early in the second half our pack looked like their usual selves which for regular forwards would be the most exceptional rugby they’ve ever played. Having the best forwards pack in the province comes in handy for plays that involve the blind wing or a slow fly-half so any accolades that go to the backs must go the forwards as well.

Damian the new guy took off his head band and also scored a try. Scott Gill kicked a drop goal from forty yards away and when I accused him of not being good at them he said “I know. Could you believe that?” Fil kicked two monster balls 70 yards each from the back of a ruck and Ovett made two out of three tackles on a single play.

George “Georgie Porgie Pudding Pie Kissed the girls and makes em cry” was unfortunately injured. His picture is the one in black and white. After taking meds for his pain and shooting a boot for his try Geroge pulled a Jeffy during the heater game on the way home and Gill held his hair back while Zoe "our number one fan featured above as well, held the bag. Paul “AXE” Walker played a great game at fullback and we will miss him next week while he goes on a spiritual retreat.

1- Duncan “The Hardman” Doogoode

2- Ryan “Squirrel Paw” Wilds

3- Jeff “Hates the Nickname School Boy” Lawrence

4- Cory “I ain’t saying nothing ‘bout that Crazy MoFo” White

5- Greg “Sticky Icky Shrek is on the Donkey!” Gallant

6- Mike “Hudson not that he’s not handsome he just from Hudson” Crowle

7- Mr. Dave “Beavis I love you man” Lawrence

8- Ms. Chris Quinn

9- Fil “Did you just break that guy’s Shoulder?” Dobrosielski

10- Scott ‘Fly-half Extraordinaire and Lucky Drop goal Kicker” Gill

11- Ovett “I’m 90% sure he has a girlfriend and 50% sure he’ll cheat on her’ Edwards

12- Mr Mike “’cause when your that big they call you Mr.” Antonekia

13- Tim “Who shows up and gets to play firsts right away?”

14- Damian “Hello my name is Damian and I wear a Headband”

15- Paul “Axe” Walker

A Conspiracy Afoot?

By Roger Dodger

Pictures courtesy of Hot Zoe

Beaconsfield lost a game this week-end and as rare as that is what is even stranger is the way the game was lost, it was as if they knew I was doing the write-up and wanted to challenge me. For example BRFC usually controls the tempo of the game and grinds teams on defence. On the week-end the other teamed controlled the ball while we half heartedly controlled the territory.

Parc-O scored early, on broken plays, and we couldn’t do the same on the chances we got. Coming from behind to win the game seemed perfectly possible though, even after Parc-O scored again in the second half.

There are rumours flying that BRFC was blown off the ball in the scrums a few times, but since we have the best forwards pack in the province these are surely lies or a misinterpretation of some sort. I in fact did see something that resembled this but it ended in a penalty for BRFC which means the other team cheated.

Our backs did a good job but not without some problems out wide and trouble finishing. Tim the new guy did well in the shark tank and Damian the new guy played with a sweat band on, but had a stand out game nonetheless.

Fly-half extraordinaire and franchise player for BRFC, Scott Gill, was kind enough to grant us an interview before jetting off to fulfill his inter-provincial commitments with the Quebec Caribou.

Roger Dodger: Thank you for your time I know today’s a very busy day for you.

Brian Scott Gill Junior: Anything for you Roger, just promise you’ll quote me properly Tim Brown did an interview with you once and hasn’t been seen since and didn’t you get some guy deported.

RD: I’m insulted that you would say that, so what did you mean when you said we lost this game because of bad coaching, weak forwards and a fly-half who isn’t fit to bring you water, let alone replace you?

BJ: What!?!

RD: What I mean is when you said the coaching was bad do you blame the coach for not being ready or for not adapting properly to a better pack?

BJ(trembling): I never said any of that Roger they’re going to hang me if you print this!!

RD: Well when you said we shouldn’t take the scrum on a penalty when we’ve been losing scrums all day who exactly do you blame for that the coach for calling it or the forwards for not getting it done?

BJ(running): This interview is over.

RD: Thank you again for your time good luck this afternoon against the eXtreme.

Honestly speaking we did run into some problems this game but there were things that we did this game that we weren’t able to do in the past. Forwards ran ‘No Ball’ incredibly well once, and our back three were able to counter attack on kicks. If we can play like our old selves and do these things too, we will be a well rounded and competitive rugby team to say the least.