Working with Incompetence

My new rugby captain has almost as little game as my old captain. Please don’t misunderstand me, they are both better players than me. But neither has any game.

This week-end our rugby team went to catch the fight at a bar. I showed up with a ‘date’ assuring her I would have a table because my team was already there. I show up and it’s standing room only.

I go into panic mode, my ‘date’ (who I thought I might have closed, crash and burn story next week) is going to think I’ve got no game because of these guys. I quickly find a table of three girls who have some free room, do what any guy from Montreal could do at a bar in Calgary and seat the standing rugby guys and my date.

The rugby dudes aren’t doing so bad keeping up the conversation with the girls although it’s easy to be confident when I’m so over the top, these guys are about to learn to just start apologizing to girls when I’m around.

Next thing I know St Pierre served up a beating and our captain is at our table and the girls are getting away, supposedly they are going to the same bar we’re going to and the rugby guys didn’t feel like getting some contact info. I grab the captain and call over the girls and tell them “this is my social director and he needs your number so you can come to the next rugby function because you guys are so awesome.”

My captain is clueless; he decides to blurt out that he’s not the social director. The girls obviously use this time to escape.

I was going to focus all my time on trying to figure out how to play fly-half which is where they are thinking about putting me, but instead of leading our backs on the field I think I’m going to give these guys a crash course in game, follow me and shut the f**k up, incompetence I tell you.

Exit Strategy

The scene is my kitchen at 6 am on Friday morning.

Roommate #2: So I guess things are going well with ‘the girl,’ I didn’t even hear you come in last night?

SBRP: Well actually I’m sort of going through different exit strategies.

R2: Oh that’s too bad, you guys aren’t getting along?

SBRP: Well it’s not that it’s just all girls seem to go a little crazy when you, well, you know… ‘get to know them.’

R2: Well you’ll know you have a problem if she calls you first thing this morning.

SBRP: Dude, I already have a problem I was with her first thing this morning.

R2: -Laughs hysterically-

I called my buddy last week and told him we/ I had it all wrong. It’s not the girl who goes crazy when ‘we study the bible’ (for lack of a more clever original euphemism) it’s us who change. I was so excited that I finally figured this out but now I’ve done a 180 and I’m back to where I began, all chicks are crazy as soon as ‘the rubber hits the road’ (euphemisms are hard).

In the past I’ve been accused of not being true to the title of this blog. But now, more than ever, I see how this is one of my limited outlets and connections to back home and I’m renewing my commitment to being single and all the rest of it too.

From now on I’ll be chronicling my misadventures on a weekly basis, I’m figuring one chick every 2 weeks will be more than enough material and if I hit a dry patch there’s always being black and being a rugby ‘playa.’

Also I’m introducing an advice facet to the blog and if you need specific help in any area we cover here, please do not be shy to get in touch. It will be my pleasure to poke fun at your problems for everyone to see.

Tofu Wine Anybody?

So all you have to do to find an expert on somewhere is mention that you’re moving there. “Hey I’m moving to Australia!” “Why those racist bastards force feed you Vegemite as soon as you land” or “I’m visiting the Sudan” “oh watch out for the muggers they robbed George Clooney” or “I’m going to Spain” “Don’t go running with the bulls you’ll get trampled and die.” (knock on wood)

So when I was moving to Calgary everybody warned me how expensive it is. They are right, the rent I pay here to share a condo 20 minutes from the city core would go a lot farther in Montreal (I miss you Montreal, the bread at least). But people also commented on how expensive groceries are and just everything in general, but those professed experts have missed some interesting points.

I’m not going to talk about taxes or the free city core transit system, I’m going to talk about the interesting minority groups I belong to. Now right from the title of my Blog we know I’m black and a rugby player and it might seem fitting and contradictory but I’m also a quasi vegetarian and quasi alcoholic. Turns out that the tofu products I used to buy are exactly the same price here and I may have even found some cheaper stuff. More importantly though the wine I used to buy on special occasions back ‘H’ome are in the discount basket outside the liquor stores here. All kinds of Australian wines on the cheap it’s amazing.

So Calgary’s got no colour and the chicks here have standards but at the end of the night when I go home alone after striking out every single girl… and some of the prettier guys, I go home to Mr Wolfblass Shriaz and I’m in good company.